“Relationships last not because they were destined to last. Relationships last long because two people made a choice to keep it, fight for it and work for it.”
I’ve been married to Pearson officially for three years today, but I’ve been his since the day we met ten years ago. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s absolutely been worth it. We get asked often how we’ve made it work for so long, if we’ve ever had issues, hard times, what keeps the relationship alive, etc? The answer is, yes of course we have had our ups and downs like any relationship does, but what makes us work is that we’re willing to sit down talk that shit out and move on. Relationships are hard, plain and simple, but if you find the right person, it can be magical. I’m so thankful for my husband, without him, I wouldn’t be who I am today. To sort of quote Ariana Grande, “he taught me love, he taught me patience, he taught me pain and now I’m amazing”…. Thank you, no next on this one (he’s a keeper). What? Lol I’m up on my pop culture ha
I think sometimes people in relationships often forget to actually “date” and make the other feel special/loved. They get used to seeing their significant other all the time and sometimes the spark gets lost. We’ve all become reliant on talking to each other via texts and emojis that we’ve forgotten how to express our feelings verbally, in writing and with our actions. Pearson and I may not be perfect, but I feel like we can bring a little bit of advice to those asking how to keep the relationship alive!
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Respect Each Other
Probably the #1 piece of advice I can give is to always respect your significant other. The truth is there are going to be times where you won’t like them. Once you lose respect though, you can never get it back. Conflicts, arguments, feelings getting hurt, all things that are unavoidable in relationships. Without respect, you wont trust the others intentions and choices. Along with respecting your significant other, you MUST respect yourself ALWAYS!
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Talk to One Another
I’m sure you have heard this many times before, but I can’t stress it enough: communication is key in any relationship. Something Pearson and I have done for years now is write a love letter or note when the other least expects it. It allows us to express ourselves in a meaningful way and let the other know that we’re thinking of them and support them. Even just a quick written message to say, “I love you,” can really start someone’s day off correctly.
Always be open with one another, even if it’s a topic that hurts. If something is bothering you in your relationship, you must be willing to let the other person know so you can work on it together. Like I said earlier, when Pearson and I have our ups and downs, we sit down and we talk about it (maybe yell or speak realllllllyyyyy loudly), but we don’t stop until it’s resolved or we’ve come to some sort of conclusion. We don’t want the anger, confusion or misunderstandings to fester. You can fight, but learn to forgive.
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Embrace the Growth
Something to keep in mind as you ‘grow’ in your relationship is that you both are going to change over time. Things that mattered to you in the past, may not be your top priority anymore. You’re going to wake up one day, look at your boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend and realize that they’re not the same person they used to be. Make sure you fall in love with this ‘new’ person too.
Pearson and I have both changed a lot in the last decade of our lives, and honestly for the better. I’ve personally watched myself become a more assertive, stronger and confident person. I’ve watched Pearson become a dedicated, talented and kind person over the last few years. Watching each other take on the world and grow both separately and together, we had to learn to embrace it. It goes hand in hand with respect actually. I respect Pearson more and more each year that goes by, because I know he’s truly becoming the best man he can be. I couldn’t ask for more.
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I’m not going to lie, sex matters…. a lot. Being intimate has to do with emotions and feeling connected to each other right? Well if your relationship is in a good spot, the sex will be good. You’ll both feel connected, want it, enjoy it. If your relationship is in a bad spot, you likely won’t want to get close to one another and the negative vibes will throw intimacy out the door. It’s not a science, but sex keeps the relationship healthy. Cue the music #letsgetiton
Pearson and I have been together for 10 wonderful years, married 3! He’s my best friend, and life would not be the same without him. There’s plenty of people who have been in relationships longer than us, or have more experience, stories, etc. than us…. But I’m in love with our story. Everything I wrote above is what has helped us be us. I can only hope that it helps all of you reading this and that you get to find someone who truly brings you joy.