Nobody likes the ‘D’ word…. Depression. There’s a kind of social stigma to people who have depression, which is incredibly sad. You never know what’s really going on in someone’s personal life. They can seem extremely happy in person, but on the inside, be completely crushed.
There are several different types of depression that one might feel, anxiety, bipolar disorder, postpartum, etc., and everyone experiences them in different ways. On the other side of everyday standard depression, there is clinical depression, where some are not producing the right chemicals in their body that allow them to be happy and in turn need to go to a doctor to run test in order to regulate their body chemistry again.
I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately staying motivated, happy and essentially myself. I’ve been told “You need to adjust your attitude”, “Why aren’t you your bubbly self” or “You’re not acting like the real Kiah.” That’s just it though, how does one know someone is acting like their true self. We shouldn’t be pigeonholing people into what our belief of them is, but rather embrace everyone for all of their different characteristics, attitudes, opinions, feelings, etc.
There’s different reasons for everyone’s depression, because well people suffer and experience it in unique ways. I wanted to create a way to help remind myself to shift my mindset when I’m in one of those slumps. I wanted to figure out a way to grow, although difficult it might be, and associate those feelings with new ones. I’m somewhat of a visual person, so I made this chart to help. My hope is that if you’re suffering from any bit of sadness, depression, anxiety, etc. that you’re able to find solace in what I’m saying here today and know that you’re never alone!
What People Think ~ With social media today, it’s hard not to care what people think. We all worry about how much engagement our post gets, if we have that perfect shot, etc. What we’re doing is steering away from our own self-identification and relying on what people think to validate our self-worth. I’m not saying that it’s easy to not care what people think, but maybe we need to take a step back and take time away from those instances that demean our self-worth. I’ve recently slowed down on my social media (which is why it’s taken me so long to post a new blog post, apologies). I’m enjoying my life a little more, paying attention to what’s in the now, the people I love and care about and making sure I’m being 100% genuine with myself and my goals.
Powerless ~ I can say with the utmost truth; I feel powerless a lot lately unfortunately. I want nothing more than to help others. Whether it’s financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc., I feel like there’s nothing I can do sometimes to help the ones that need it the most. With that, comes my persistence though. I’ve always thought of myself as being resilient, being able to recover quickly from difficult situations. I’ve given myself a goal to aspire to and the more research I do, the more powerful I become. I know I’m doing all I can to figure out a way to bounce back; I gave myself a purpose.
Perfectionist ~ I’m not perfect by any means. Actually when I was younger, I tried so hard to be that I needed to see someone to help me talk out about what was going on in my life that made me feel the need to be that way. I’ve grown a lot over the last few years and I have to thank my friends, family and especially my husband Pearson for helping me to relax and have confidence in myself. He especially showed me that I DO NOT need to be perfect, that no one is perfect. Pearson gave me a realistic view of life and helped me adapt and challenge myself to be great, but not perfect. To have confidence in myself and know that I can achieve what I set my mind to, but I don’t need to try so hard to be people’s expectations of what they want me to be.
Comparison ~ This is something I know most of us struggle with. In my current field of work, I am fortunate to work with some amazing influencers and content creators who are beautiful, inspiring, in the best shape, etc., and I’ve absolutely compared myself to them a few times. It’s not fair to us to compare ourselves to others. It’s degrading to not only you, but the people who are closest to you. They obviously love you and care about you enough to make you a part of their lives, so when you’re comparing yourself to others and thinking less of yourself, it’s prompting them to also. We need to make a change, be innovative and transform our outlook on how we want to be perceived as well as how we want our life to be. That way we can stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on being happy and genuine with ourselves. This goes hand in hand with What People Think above.
The Need for Certainty ~ People want to know and have control over a lot of things that happen in life. As some of that is manageable, the act of not knowing can be freeing and relaxing all on its own. I know it’s hard, but going with your intuition and trusting/believing that things will work out in the end is how we should live life. There are so many situations currently going on in my personal life that I wish I could manage with full control and achieve the goal that I believe should be the end result, but I have to realize I can’t. Which makes me feel powerless as well as have the need for certainty that it’s all going to work out. With that though, I’ve given myself a purpose and am researching what can be done and then believing that if I implement some of these changes, and trust that they’ll work, things will start to fall into place. We shouldn’t stress about things we have no control over, it’s only going to make us have anxiety and possibly create serious health issues in the long run.
I want you all to know that I understand your pain, I feel your anger, I validate where you are in your life and I hear you for who you are. This feeling you feel, this position you’re in, is not the result of something you did or didn’t do, it just is what it is. There will be times that will be easier than others and that’s ok. I understand that it’s hard to get out of that funk, to grow and try and change your mindset; that you don’t want to try anymore. Please know, that you have the support, the strength and the bravery to overcome it all. Take it step by step and day by day because you are worthy of living a life full of love, hope and happiness.